It is hard to say exactly when the mental shift happened. Somewhere between taking an Epidemiology class at the kitchen table and jumping into the mountain lake fully clothed, I arrived at the decision to stay in Kanchanaburi. My emotions are as dramatic as the peaks and valleys of the mountains that surround my temporary home. In the same minute I will ache to be tucked under Tim’s arm on a cold Seattle morning, and also be filled with enthusiasm at the course work spread out on the table.
Last night I was walking to dinner with Ruhul, a classmate from Bangladesh. After a few moments of silence he turned to me and asked, “Geneva, what are your dreams?” In my head all I could think of was marrying Tim, starting a family, finding comfortable place to live near my family. Instead I replied, “I want to run a maternal and child health program. What are your dreams Ruhul?” He replied, “ I want to return home and get married. I feel so much fear being so far away from my family”. I was shocked at the similarity in our sentiments and wondered why I felt the need to associate dreams with career goals. I shared with him that I felt the exact same way. We continued the walk from our house to the dining hall and had this incredible discussion on living and studying abroad and all the things we are sacrificing to be here and how we couldn’t survive a day without the support of the group. I continue to be captivated by that conversation and it is an out of body experience to feel like I am both the Primary Investigator and primary subject of a study on the human experience.
There is something tragically comedic about the whole thing. Collectively we have shifted from saying how horrible this is to saying how crazy it is and laughing. If nothing else, it is entertaining to here “Man, this is crazy” in all the different accents of the group. Sometimes when the Thai karaoke is so loud in the common area (the only place we get internet so we all study there) one person will start to giggle and the group will follow until we erupt into full laughter.
Aside from all the intense conversations and hours of studying, we are managing to have a lot of fun. Yesterday our Epi professor drove us all to the Erawan Waterfall, which is just 30 minutes away. It is a famous and beautiful waterfall with 7 layers. The hike up takes about 1.5 hours and each waterfall layer has swimming holes and places to lounge and relax. About half the group made it to the top level because the trail got pretty steep and challenging to climb. Those of us that made it to level 7 got our suits on and immediately jumped into the swimming hole. Holy Hell on Earth, the swimming hole was filled with biting fish. A few of the boys quickly made it across to the rock where you can climb up to another level but I jumped out as fast as I could while cursing up a storm. Ruhul didn’t yet know the water was filled with the biting fish and he called to me from the middle of the water to come out to him and he would help me across. All of a sudden he let out the loudest, highest pitch scream you could imagine followed by “oh my god, this is not right!!!” We all managed to find a rock to stand on and laughed until tears ran down our faces. A few of us climbed up to lay on the rocks of the waterfall (fish free) and let the fresh, cold water pound on our heads. It was so relaxing and comforting to be in such a stunning environment. Eventually we walked down to level 5 of the waterfall to meet the rest of our group. The two girls from Nepal had their feet in the water and dozens of fish surrounded their feet. “Free fish spa!” they said with huge smiles on their faces. “You guys are crazy” I replied.
With the passing of each day I feel stronger with my decision to stay. I will obtain an MPH after this year, but it is not the degree alone that will move me towards greater success in life. I am learning to live in the moment and accept all the uncertainties in my near future. In the absence of creature comforts I find solace in the fresh air and natural beauty this place has to offer. Laughter has become a tool for survival and everyone is becoming his/her most goofy self. With the road to Bangkok washed out we are stuck here for an undetermined amount of time. In the meantime, all we can do is laugh at the insane karaoke and try not to get attacked by spider monkeys (story for another day…but it happened on the hike to the waterfall and it was not really that funny).
Last night I was walking to dinner with Ruhul, a classmate from Bangladesh. After a few moments of silence he turned to me and asked, “Geneva, what are your dreams?” In my head all I could think of was marrying Tim, starting a family, finding comfortable place to live near my family. Instead I replied, “I want to run a maternal and child health program. What are your dreams Ruhul?” He replied, “ I want to return home and get married. I feel so much fear being so far away from my family”. I was shocked at the similarity in our sentiments and wondered why I felt the need to associate dreams with career goals. I shared with him that I felt the exact same way. We continued the walk from our house to the dining hall and had this incredible discussion on living and studying abroad and all the things we are sacrificing to be here and how we couldn’t survive a day without the support of the group. I continue to be captivated by that conversation and it is an out of body experience to feel like I am both the Primary Investigator and primary subject of a study on the human experience.
There is something tragically comedic about the whole thing. Collectively we have shifted from saying how horrible this is to saying how crazy it is and laughing. If nothing else, it is entertaining to here “Man, this is crazy” in all the different accents of the group. Sometimes when the Thai karaoke is so loud in the common area (the only place we get internet so we all study there) one person will start to giggle and the group will follow until we erupt into full laughter.
Aside from all the intense conversations and hours of studying, we are managing to have a lot of fun. Yesterday our Epi professor drove us all to the Erawan Waterfall, which is just 30 minutes away. It is a famous and beautiful waterfall with 7 layers. The hike up takes about 1.5 hours and each waterfall layer has swimming holes and places to lounge and relax. About half the group made it to the top level because the trail got pretty steep and challenging to climb. Those of us that made it to level 7 got our suits on and immediately jumped into the swimming hole. Holy Hell on Earth, the swimming hole was filled with biting fish. A few of the boys quickly made it across to the rock where you can climb up to another level but I jumped out as fast as I could while cursing up a storm. Ruhul didn’t yet know the water was filled with the biting fish and he called to me from the middle of the water to come out to him and he would help me across. All of a sudden he let out the loudest, highest pitch scream you could imagine followed by “oh my god, this is not right!!!” We all managed to find a rock to stand on and laughed until tears ran down our faces. A few of us climbed up to lay on the rocks of the waterfall (fish free) and let the fresh, cold water pound on our heads. It was so relaxing and comforting to be in such a stunning environment. Eventually we walked down to level 5 of the waterfall to meet the rest of our group. The two girls from Nepal had their feet in the water and dozens of fish surrounded their feet. “Free fish spa!” they said with huge smiles on their faces. “You guys are crazy” I replied.
With the passing of each day I feel stronger with my decision to stay. I will obtain an MPH after this year, but it is not the degree alone that will move me towards greater success in life. I am learning to live in the moment and accept all the uncertainties in my near future. In the absence of creature comforts I find solace in the fresh air and natural beauty this place has to offer. Laughter has become a tool for survival and everyone is becoming his/her most goofy self. With the road to Bangkok washed out we are stuck here for an undetermined amount of time. In the meantime, all we can do is laugh at the insane karaoke and try not to get attacked by spider monkeys (story for another day…but it happened on the hike to the waterfall and it was not really that funny).
Now it is I who am crying! You are staying . I am so happy for you. so proud to know you are reaching for your potential amidst such craziness! Laughter IS a healer. And I'm glad to hear you want to work on womens health (and children). It is in empowering the women, no matter the arena, that propels progress. You are an empowered woman, with family and friends who love and respect you deeply, Penny
ReplyDeleteI am so happy and proud of you Geneva. This experience, and what you're going through, will only make you stronger and more powerful then you already are. Congrats to you and you decision. Tina
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear your voice even if its via Times New Roman. Biting fish is my worst nightmare! Hopefully it won't scare you away from jumping off my dock into the lake. ;)
ReplyDelete--rego